Hi, it’s me again and it’s probably been around a week and a half to two weeks since I’ve checked in.

I’ve been on my pre-opt diet. Things are a little bit hard. It’s really exciting and there’s lots of things to look forward to but it’s hard in the moment. It’s hard to make changes when nothing is changing around you. When everybody else is staying the same and doing their same things and you all of a sudden have to make a new decision and take care of yourself in a way that you never really have before. It’s been hard. Somedays are better than others but some days are hard nonetheless. You can’t stop birthday parties from having cake or cookies and you can’t stop restaurants from having desserts. And you can’t ask people around you not to eat it just because you can’t and I think that’s the hard part – really making the change while nothing changes around you. Having this strength to believe that you can and it’s hard and every day I have to convince myself over and over again that this is worth it and that I need to be doing this because this is where I’m supposed to be and this is what I’m supposed to be doing. And I know that and that’s what I think keeps me going.

I’ve had a couple of breakdowns. The other day I went to Wendy’s to get a salad for lunch and I’ve been getting this Mandarin Chicken Salad with none of the Mandarins or any of the good parts in it – just the lettuce and the chicken and I’ve been eating it with Italian dressing and I went there the other day and they didn’t have it. I think my heart sunk a little bit at first because when you’re finally getting into a routine of eating something and then all of a sudden it’s not there for you, I think you panic. I didn’t realize that I would ever panic over a salad but it’s happening and that’s becoming who I am. I’ve had a couple of birthday parties that I’ve had to go to and it’s been hard. But I think what I’ve learned to do is – every time I go to put something in my mouth, I ask myself whether or not it’s worth it. That one, five-second bite of gratification from cake – if that’s worth me spending the rest of my life like this. No matter what that food is, it’s not worth it. It’s not worth it. That five-second gratification from a piece of cake or a cookie. After all I do is feel like crap anyways. I may as well eat that salad and feel good about myself and learn to make good decisions that I can live with for the rest of my life.

I think it’s really quite hard to change the habits because it’s not only just what I eat during the day – but it’s night snacking and that’s been a real problem for me all my life. Coming home from work, eating my dinner, sitting down on the couch – oh, something’s sweet, something else. And I think, it’s sort of almost becomes unconscious that you don’t realize you’re doing it and I’ve really realized how much of a change it’s been. I’m about a week – just under a week away from my surgery. I couldn’t be more excited. I’m really really excited for it – I can’t wait for it to happen and I really think that this is so the next step for me. I’ve lost over 10 pounds – I think it’s about 11.5 so far. I’m really excited that that – I mean, you can’t notice it being a bigger person, you don’t notice that 11 pounds right away. But even just the thought of knowing that you’re no longer going up – the thought of knowing that you’re going down, you’re on your way, you’re on the right path and that nothing can stop you. I think that’s what keeps me going.

I wake up every morning convincing myself that today is going to be another good day and, you know what, I haven’t had a really bad one yet. So, I’m going and the diet is almost over – this part of the diet is almost over. And I can’t wait, I can’t wait to move on to the next part and the next part and the next part and just onward and upward is where I’m going. I’m really excited and sometimes sad and sometimes it’s hard and sometimes I’m upset when all my friends are going out to Demetre’s for dessert and I can’t go because I don’t have that willpower yet, but that’s okay because I may miss out on one desert now but I’m gaining so many for the rest of my life. So, I’m really excited about all of this and I can’t wait. I guess the next time I’m going to talk to you is probably the night before or the day of my surgery. Just give you a little bit of the info on the day of and how’s it’s going for me and it’s going to be really soon and I couldn’t be more excited! So, I look forward to talking to you soon and thanks for sticking with me.