Hi! So I’m really sorry that it’s been a while since I’ve last blogged and even though I’ve been going through some stuff – I had a very close friend of mine pass away and it’s been really, really tough on me. So, in addition to everything else that’s been going on, I’ve kind of been trying to deal with that and it’s sort of prevented me from allowing me to be able to sort of come back to you because I haven’t had the emotional energy to do it. So I appreciate you sort of bearing with me and waiting to hear what’s been going on.

So today’s date is around the middle of August and I’ve had my surgery about three weeks ago. I’m doing physically amazing. I don’t even feel that I had a surgery. Occasionally, when I roll on my stomach at night, I can feel a little bit where my port is. But, other than that, just a little bit of sensitivity – nothing really bad. So, as far as the surgery goes, it was amazing. It was perfectly smooth, everything went wonderful and I couldn’t have asked for better. So I really thank the wonderful team of surgeons and nurses that I had taking care of me.

Getting home after having the lap band surgery was a bit interesting. I was really tired for the first day – just slept on and off. I wasn’t really that hungry, I had broth a couple of times and a little bit of Jello. Moving forward, into the following days – for four days, you’re on literally clear liquid so you’re literally drinking broth and a protein shake. Protein shakes – not my favourite. It was hard to get them down, but you have no choice.

So as time went on and I started moving on and I was just on liquids, the issue becomes – it’s not hard to do, because you don’t physically feel hungry. I think the hard part is that your brain, for however long for me and my 29 years, I’ve been eating three meals a day and potentially more than that. And all of a sudden, I’m not eating anything. So, it’s hard for your brain to accept the fact that you’re not eating and that it’s okay and that it’s okay not to eat and you’re sort of breaking those habits that you’ve accumulated over all your years of life. You’re having the opportunity where this process breaks that habit for you and it’s amazing – it’s absolutely amazing. It’s really really worked for me.

I’m down about 36 pounds – it’s insane, I feel my stomach getting smaller. I don’t feel as bloated, I’m lighter on my feet. Before I was saying 11 pounds is really hard to notice on a big girl, but 37 is starting to begin to be something. When you start to feel that little bit of difference, it’s like a whole new world. You’re reassured, you’re motivated, you’re all of a sudden back in a place where you didn’t think you could get back to because you were like, “Oh, I’m not eating and everybody around me is eating.” It’s hard because the same way as when you have to make changes when nobody changes around you which is what I talked about before. It’s the same thing again, but now, you can’t even sit down to have a meal where before, you could sit down and you could say, “Okay, I have to have salad,” now you can’t even sit down. You’re like, “Okay, I have to have a protein shake and I haven’t chewed in 3 weeks and I don’t know what it’s like to put food in my mouth again, you know?”

Within the last 4 days, I’ve just started off that liquid process and I’m sort of transitioning. I’m in the pureed foods stage and I had fish last night for the first time and I had to sort of remind myself – that you’re not living to eat anymore.

You’re now eating to live, you’re eating because your body needs it. You’re not eating because there’s nothing better to do or you’re sad or you’re miserable. You’re eating because you need to have the nutrients that your body needs and that is a different feeling and it’s so amazing to just turn around one day and be a totally different person. I tell you – I don’t know where the strength is coming from because I’m watching people eat French toast and pancakes and all these different things and I’m sitting there not eating anything and, weirdly, it’s become okay with me.

In pureed stages, you’re eating a lot of times a day, you’re eating smaller portions, but you’re eating many times a day and that really works for me. I’m back to work, so it really really works for me in terms of my schedule because I can get up, I can have a scrambled egg, I can come to work, I can have a quarter cup of pureed fruit, I can have a yogurt for a snack. So, it really is transitioning you back into real life and with a new appreciation of food, eating, and yourself, I think. That’s where the importance lies.

So, as far as, “Is it hard?” – absolutely. Is it one of the hardest things you’ve probably ever had to do? Most definitely. Is it worth it? One billion percent. Every single day, every single minute, I feel better about myself. Every second that goes by, I’m feeling a little bit and a little bit and a little bit better and I owe that to my lapband (my band’s not tight yet – I have an appointment on August 30th to go and get my band tight), but to my commitment to this program. This program works. I was sitting outside with my mom the other day and she was saying, “Oh my god, they do everything you need them to do to make sure you succeed.” They take food away in the right times, they bring it back in the right times. I grew up with people in my life (and in the kind of profession I am) who say it takes 28 days to make a pattern behavior, to make it a habit. And they take it away for so many days that by the time you get it back, you’ve broken your habit. You are able to form new ones now and to bring food back into your life in the way that you need it to be rather than the only way you know it which is – all the time and crap. I don’t even fiend for crap – if I was going to have something, it would probably be – I don’t even know, I can’t even think of something. But it definitely wouldn’t be crap – I’m missing Caesar salads and chicken and the weirdest things that you don’t even appreciate when you have, but all of a sudden someone takes it away and, you’re like, “please can I have my chicken back?” Or, “Please can I just have a Caesar salad?” So I think that this process just helps you along the way and allows you to have the tools that you need to have for when food comes back into your life.

My mom said, you know, it’s just so amazing just watching you go through it. As amazing as it is for her to watch me go through it, it’s self-reinventing (I don’t know if I said that correctly!). It’s self-motivating, self-moving forward in terms of all of these things for me. I’m a different person, I live better. I’m happier, I take care of myself better and that’s only 35 pounds in, so watch me in week 7, 9, 14, 18, 22 – I can’t wait. I’m so glad that I have this as sort of like an outlet and that I’m able to talk to you because as much as maybe I might be helping you some way or another, talking to you is helping me.

So I just want to say thank you as long before I blog the next time and I’m right back on track and looking forward to the next part. So, the next time I see you, I will be eating real food and it’s very exciting. So thanks for listening and we’ll talk soon.