Hi! So I’m really sorry that it’s been a while since I’ve last blogged and even though I’ve been going through some stuff – I had a very close friend of mine pass away and it’s been really, really tough on me.  So, in addition to everything else that’s been going on, I’ve kind of been trying to deal with that and it’s sort of prevented me from allowing me to be able to sort of come back to you because I haven’t had the emotional energy to do it.  So I appreciate you sort of bearing with me and waiting to hear what’s been going on.

So today’s date is around the middle of August and I’ve had my surgery about three weeks ago.  I’m doing physically amazing.  I don’t even feel that I had a surgery.  Occasionally, when I roll on my stomach at night, I can feel a little bit where my port is.  But, other than that, just a little bit of sensitivity – nothing really bad.  So, as far as the surgery goes, it was amazing.  It was perfectly smooth, everything went wonderful and I couldn’t have asked for better.  So I really thank the wonderful team of surgeons and nurses that I had taking care of me.

Getting home after having the lap band surgery was a bit interesting.  I was really tired for the first day – just slept on and off.  I wasn’t really that hungry, I had broth a couple of times and a little bit of Jello.  Moving forward, into the following days – for four days, you’re on literally clear liquid so you’re literally drinking broth and a protein shake.  Protein shakes – not my favourite.  It was hard to get them down, but you have no choice.

So as time went on and I started moving on and I was just on liquids, the issue becomes – it’s not hard to do, because you don’t physically feel hungry.  I think the hard part is that your brain, for however long for me and my 29 years, I’ve been eating three meals a day and potentially more than that.  And all of a sudden, I’m not eating anything.  So, it’s hard for your brain to accept the fact that you’re not eating and that it’s okay and that it’s okay not to eat and you’re sort of breaking those habits that you’ve accumulated over all your years of life.  You’re having the opportunity where this process breaks that habit for you and it’s amazing – it’s absolutely amazing.  It’s really really worked for me.

I’m down about 36 pounds – it’s insane, I feel my stomach getting smaller.  I don’t feel as bloated, I’m lighter on my feet.  Before I was saying 11 pounds is really hard to notice on a big girl, but 37 is starting to begin to be something.  When you start to feel that little bit of difference, it’s like a whole new world.  You’re reassured, you’re motivated, you’re all of a sudden back in a place where you didn’t think you could get back to because you were like, “Oh, I’m not eating and everybody around me is eating.” It’s hard because the same way as when you have to make changes when nobody changes around you which is what I talked about before.  It’s the same thing again, but now, you can’t even sit down to have a meal where before, you could sit down and you could say, “Okay, I have to have salad,” now you can’t even sit down.  You’re like, “Okay, I have to have a protein shake and I haven’t chewed in 3 weeks and I don’t know what it’s like to put food in my mouth again, you know?”

Within the last 4 days, I’ve just started off that liquid process and I’m sort of transitioning.  I’m in the pureed foods stage and I had fish last night for the first time and I had to sort of remind myself – that you’re not living to eat anymore.

You’re now eating to live, you’re eating because your body needs it.  You’re not eating because there’s nothing better to do or you’re sad or you’re miserable.  You’re eating because you need to have the nutrients that your body needs and that is a different feeling and it’s so amazing to just turn around one day and be a totally different person. I tell you – I don’t know where the strength is coming from because I’m watching people eat French toast and pancakes and all these different things and I’m sitting there not eating anything and, weirdly, it’s become okay with me.

In pureed stages, you’re eating a lot of times a day, you’re eating smaller portions, but you’re eating many times a day and that really works for me.  I’m back to work, so it really really works for me in terms of my schedule because I can get up, I can have a scrambled egg, I can come to work, I can have a quarter cup of pureed fruit, I can have a yogurt for a snack.  So, it really is transitioning you back into real life and with a new appreciation of food, eating, and yourself, I think.  That’s where the importance lies.

So, as far as, “Is it hard?” – absolutely.  Is it one of the hardest things you’ve probably ever had to do? Most definitely.  Is it worth it? One billion percent.  Every single day, every single minute, I feel better about myself.  Every second that goes by, I’m feeling a little bit and a little bit and a little bit better and I owe that to my lapband (my band’s not tight yet – I have an appointment on August 30th to go and get my band tight), but to my commitment to this program.  This program works.  I was sitting outside with my mom the other day and she was saying, “Oh my god, they do everything you need them to do to make sure you succeed.”  They take food away in the right times, they bring it back in the right times.  I grew up with people in my life (and in the kind of profession I am) who say it takes 28 days to make a pattern behavior, to make it a habit.  And they take it away for so many days that by the time you get it back, you’ve broken your habit.  You are able to form new ones now and to bring food back into your life in the way that you need it to be rather than the only way you know it which is – all the time and crap.  I don’t even fiend for crap – if I was going to have something, it would probably be – I don’t even know, I can’t even think of something.  But it definitely wouldn’t be crap – I’m missing Caesar salads and chicken and the weirdest things that you don’t even appreciate when you have, but all of a sudden someone takes it away and, you’re like, “please can I have my chicken back?” Or, “Please can I just have a Caesar salad?” So I think that this process just helps you along the way and allows you to have the tools that you need to have for when food comes back into your life.

My mom said, you know, it’s just so amazing just watching you go through it.  As amazing as it is for her to watch me go through it, it’s self-reinventing (I don’t know if I said that correctly!).  It’s self-motivating, self-moving forward in terms of all of these things for me.  I’m a different person, I live better.  I’m happier, I take care of myself better and that’s only 35 pounds in, so watch me in week 7, 9, 14, 18, 22 – I can’t wait.  I’m so glad that I have this as sort of like an outlet and that I’m able to talk to you because as much as maybe I might be helping you some way or another, talking to you is helping me.

So I just want to say thank you as long before I blog the next time and I’m right back on track and looking forward to the next part.  So, the next time I see you, I will be eating real food and it’s very exciting.  So thanks for listening and we’ll talk soon.

Hi. So, it’s Monday morning, July 26th and I am sitting here at the CIBO Clinic ready to have my surgery and I am very nervous this morning. Not, I think because of the surgery (because I’m sure I have wonderful surgeons and they’re going to take great care of me) but I think what it is, is that it’s the next step. There’s no going back after this. It’s easy to go on a diet and just quit because you don’t want to do it anymore. This is something for life and I think as much as it scares me, it excites me. I can’t wait.

I’m thirsty because I haven’t been able to have a sip of anything since midnight last night and my throat’s a little dry, so I’m a tiny bit uncomfortable, but not uncomfortable – just thinking about a drink. But that’s all I’ll be doing for the next 3.5 weeks, so I shouldn’t really complain about a drink. After the surgery comes the liquid diet and I’m not sure how that will go over. I’m sure you’ll hear stories about it. But I’m here, I’m excited, and I’m a little nervous, but excited.

I woke up this morning and my sister said to me, “Today is going to be the best day of your life”. And I thought about it and it is. Today is the first day that I’m doing something that is going to change the rest of my life. I know that in the past three weeks, I’ve been making good diet choices and following what I’m supposed to do to prepare for it, but today is the actual day. Today is the ultimate change and I couldn’t be more excited or more ready for it and I think it’s going to be a great thing.

My mom is sitting in the waiting room and everybody’s here and excited and I just met three lovely people in the reception area and we were chatting and one girl was just here for her first fill. It was interesting to hear everybody’s story and to see how much this band helps people. I was listening to the radio this morning and they were saying that the golfer John Daly had a lapband about a year ago and he’s lost over 100 pounds. Who doesn’t want to be that person? Who doesn’t want to have the ability to do what you’ve dreamed of doing all your life? And to have the assistance and to know that this is it and you’re not going back and – that’s it. What better feeling could there be? So, although I’m feeling a little nervous today, I can’t wait and I’m so excited.

I have less than a half an hour to go before I’m going to start getting ready and go in and do all my stuff and I’m just sharing with you and it’s a whole mix-mash of emotions that I’m feeling right now and 90% of them, I would say, are good. So I’m looking forward to it, I’ll see you soon and you’ll see me after and we’ll keep on moving forward. Like I said before – onward and upwards. On to the next stage and we’ll see how that goes – talk to you soon!

Hi, it’s me again and it’s probably been around a week and a half to two weeks since I’ve checked in.

I’ve been on my pre-opt diet.  Things are a little bit hard.  It’s really exciting and there’s lots of things to look forward to but it’s hard in the moment.  It’s hard to make changes when nothing is changing around you.  When everybody else is staying the same and doing their same things and you all of a sudden have to make a new decision and take care of yourself in a way that you never really have before.  It’s been hard.  Somedays are better than others but some days are hard nonetheless.  You can’t stop birthday parties from having cake or cookies and you can’t stop restaurants from having desserts.  And you can’t ask people around you not to eat it just because you can’t and I think that’s the hard part – really making the change while nothing changes around you.  Having this strength to believe that you can and it’s hard and every day I have to convince myself over and over again that this is worth it and that I need to be doing this because this is where I’m supposed to be and this is what I’m supposed to be doing.  And I know that and that’s what I think keeps me going.

I’ve had a couple of breakdowns.  The other day I went to Wendy’s to get a salad for lunch and I’ve been getting this Mandarin Chicken Salad with none of the Mandarins or any of the good parts in it – just the lettuce and the chicken and I’ve been eating it with Italian dressing and I went there the other day and they didn’t have it.  I think my heart sunk a little bit at first because when you’re finally getting into a routine of eating something and then all of a sudden it’s not there for you, I think you panic.  I didn’t realize that I would ever panic over a salad but it’s happening and that’s becoming who I am.  I’ve had a couple of birthday parties that I’ve had to go to and it’s been hard.  But I think what I’ve learned to do is – every time I go to put something in my mouth, I ask myself whether or not it’s worth it.  That one, five-second bite of gratification from cake – if that’s worth me spending the rest of my life like this.  No matter what that food is, it’s not worth it.  It’s not worth it.  That five-second gratification from a piece of cake or a cookie.  After all I do is feel like crap anyways.  I may as well eat that salad and feel good about myself and learn to make good decisions that I can live with for the rest of my life.

I think it’s really quite hard to change the habits because it’s not only just what I eat during the day – but it’s night snacking and that’s been a real problem for me all my life.  Coming home from work, eating my dinner, sitting down on the couch – oh, something’s sweet, something else.  And I think, it’s sort of almost becomes unconscious that you don’t realize you’re doing it and I’ve really realized how much of a change it’s been.  I’m about a week – just under a week away from my surgery.  I couldn’t be more excited.  I’m really really excited for it – I can’t wait for it to happen and I really think that this is so the next step for me.  I’ve lost over 10 pounds – I think it’s about 11.5 so far.  I’m really excited that that – I mean, you can’t notice it being a bigger person, you don’t notice that 11 pounds right away.  But even just the thought of knowing that you’re no longer going up – the thought of knowing that you’re going down, you’re on your way, you’re on the right path and that nothing can stop you.  I think that’s what keeps me going.

I wake up every morning convincing myself that today is going to be another good day and, you know what, I haven’t had a really bad one yet.  So, I’m going and the diet is almost over – this part of the diet is almost over.  And I can’t wait, I can’t wait to move on to the next part and the next part and the next part and just onward and upward is where I’m going.  I’m really excited and sometimes sad and sometimes it’s hard and sometimes I’m upset when all my friends are going out to Demetre’s for dessert and I can’t go because I don’t have that willpower yet, but that’s okay because I may miss out on one desert now but I’m gaining so many for the rest of my life.  So, I’m really excited about all of this and I can’t wait.  I guess the next time I’m going to talk to you is probably the night before or the day of my surgery.  Just give you a little bit of the info on the day of and how’s it’s going for me and it’s going to be really soon and I couldn’t be more excited!  So, I look forward to talking to you soon and thanks for sticking with me.

Hi!  I’m Michelle and I’m 28 years old and I work in recreation and I’m here today to tell you a little bit about what I’m doing here and how I came to be here.

I’ve been overweight my whole life.  I’ve never known anything else.  And, about a year ago, I started to feel differently about myself and I decided that – in just over a year, I’m turning 30 and I absolutely just didn’t want to be overweight anymore.  So, I started looking into what my options were. I have tried every diet in the world and I keep ending up back where I started and I was looking for something that I could use for life – a tool that could help me, that I could bring with me, that I could keep – sort of a resource.  I ended up looking into what was available which was – my two options were either gastric bypass or this lapband.  So, I decided that for me, the lapband was going to be the right decision.  With gastric bypass, it’s very invasive and it would take a long time taking off work and I just couldn’t afford to do that. So, I think that for me, the lapband was where I belonged.

So, on May 28th, I booked my surgery, which is happening on July 26th.  I’m nervous and excited.  I think I’m a little bit more nervous of the change than I am of the actual surgery.  It’s a big change, you know? And, it’s a lot of work and I’m excited for it.  So, when I started deciding to come in, I found CIBO.

CIBO is this amazing clinic where half of the staff have had lapbands themselves and they’re just so supportive and they’re looking to help you find the right way to do your journey.  So, I just found that it was a great place to be and I instantly felt like a part of the CIBO family.

So when I was asked if I would do something like this, I was more than happy to maybe help somebody else begin their journey.  It’s a scary thing to do and it’s a lot of work.  And today is July 5th, and I’ve started my pre-op diet today (I’m a little hungry!).  But it just happened that way and my journey is coming to – it’s getting to a point where it’s going to be the surgery soon and I have about three weeks left of this pre-op diet – have to get my liver all nice and sleek for the surgery!  And other than that, I’m really looking forward to it and I’m looking forward to chatting with you and having you see me go through what, you know all the work that I have to put into it and, hopefully, somebody’s inspired by that and wants to make the change in their own life.  So, looking forward to chatting again soon and see you next week!